| Rachel님의 프로필Brett & Rachel's Place사진블로그리스트 |  도구  도움말 |
Brett & Rachel's PlaceGetting our pic done in central park 2004 6월 16일 Jeff Foxworthy on OhioJeff Foxworthy on Ohio You might be from Ohio (pronounced O-hi-uh), if: You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange! You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction. You live less than 30 miles from some college or university. You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candied ones. "Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means "south." You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths. You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in Cincinnati. "Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer hunting in the fall. You measure distance in minutes. Your school classes were canceled because of cold. Your school classes were canceled because of heat. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. For example: "Where's my coat at?" You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. You think of the major four food groups as corn, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
You carry jumper cables in your car. You know what 'pop' is. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. (Amen!) You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports. Lessons1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you." Chocolate TradeSally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona. When she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband". The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
"Good trade." Reason for High Gas PricesOil shortage >>> >>> >>> >>> A lot of folks can't understand >>> >>> how we came to have >>> >>> an oil shortage here in our country. >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> Well, there's a very simple answer. >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> Nobody bothered to check the oil. >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> We just didn't know we were getting low. >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> The reason for that is purely geographical. >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> Our OIL is located in >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> Alaska >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> California >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> Coastal Florida >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> Coastal Louisiana >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> Kansas >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> Oklahoma >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> Pennsylvania >>> >>> >>> and >>> >>> >>> Texas >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> ~~~ >>> >>> >>> Our >>> >>> >>> DIPSTICKS >>> >>> >>> are located in >>> >>> >>> Washington DC 6월 14일 Why buy the Milk......For all those men who say "why buy the milk when you get the cow for free", we women have learned that we dont need to clean up after a pig for a" little sausage". Men are like...................
WIFE VS. HUSBAND WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." MARRIAGE SEMINAR MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? UNDERSTANDING WOMEN UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. Men are from mars, cant we send em back?????
Almost makes me wanna cry...........>Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? >A. Both of them. > >Q. Why did the man cross the road? >A. He heard the chicken was a slut. > >Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? >A. They don't have time. > >Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? >A. They don't stop and ask for directions. > >Q. What do men and sperm have in common? >A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being. > >Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? >A. He buys two cases of beer. > >Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds? >A. The bonds mature at some point > >Q. Why are blonde jokes so short? >A. So men can remember them. > >Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? >A. We don't know; it has never happened. > >Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring & good-looking? >A. They already have boyfriends. > >Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? >A. A widow. > >Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? >A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. >Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. > >Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? >A. They're married. Ebay Song-Listen soooo funnyhttp://www.imagestorepro.com/ebay_song.html click on the link & push play The Silent Treatment The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. CREATION CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! W O R D S W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" CIGARETTES AND TAMPONSCIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! ) WOMEN'S REVENGE WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a televisionset in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." |
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